By Brian Hoffman – Sports Editor
Do you realize that Thursday of last week was Day 366 AG of the sports stifling coronavirus pandemic?
That’s right, March 11 was exactly one year to the day after the Utah Jazz game was cancelled just before tip-off because center Rudy Gobert tested positive for COVID-19. Within days all NBA games, the NCAA “March Madness” Tournament, Major League Baseball spring training, NASCAR, professional golf and any number of other events were put on hold due to the virus. As a sports guy I look at March 11, 2020, as the official beginning of the pandemic.
It’s been a long year, to say the least. Many people have died, many businesses have closed and many people have suffered, physically, mentally and financially. It was disappointing to lose so many sporting events, but in the big scheme of things that was the least of our problems.
Now, one year later, things are getting better. We still don’t have arenas filled with fans, but we had a great NFL football season, enough college football to keep us entertained and both NBA and college basketball. March Madness is scheduled to go on, although with limited fans it won’t be as “mad” as usual.
After going nine months with few sports to cover I’m busy again, and I love it. We have Virginia High School League fall sports squeezed between winter and spring sports, and it’s sort of cool to still have some football to enjoy a month after the Super Bowl.
At Roanoke College you have the end of winter sports this week, with both basketball teams participating in the Old Dominion Athletic Conference tournament. In addition to that the fall sports are being played now and all the spring sports have already started. Within a month’s time every sport offered by the college had a game, meet or match.
I’m optimistic we’ll be back to normal by the fall sports season. We now have three vaccines and I’m hoping everyone is smart enough to get vaccinated while continuing to “mask up” at large gatherings.
Of course, there will always be people who buck the establishment. I had someone recently tell me he wasn’t going to get vaccinated because it was the government’s plan to put a chip in everyone, so they could track you wherever you go. He also said the vaccine was very dangerous, and that doctors who spoke out about this were being murdered to keep it quiet.
I certainly hope that’s not true, but if we can save humanity I’ll gladly have a chip implanted in me. Just don’t put it where I have to sit on it every day.
Happy one year anniversary, Ruby Gobert. Maybe that’s why you were the last one picked in the all-star game draft.
OFFENDING SPUDS
I understand why Aunt Jemima was offensive to African Americans, although she made a darned good pancake syrup. And I can even understand why the name “Redskins” is offensive to Native Americans, and that the smiling Wahoo might not be the best characterization of the folks who lived here before the Europeans took over.
But Mr. Potato Head? I just don’t see the problem there.
From what I understand Mr. Potato Head is now going to be just “Potato Head.” If he would have been Potato Head to begin with, that would be just fine, but to drop the Mister is a mystery as to why that is deemed necessary.
For one, you already have a Mrs. Potato Head, so it’s not a gender equality thing. You remember Mrs. Potato Head from the Toy Story movies. She was voiced by Doris Roberts, who played the mother on the “Everyone Loves Raymond” television show.
The Potato Heads have been around a long time. I actually had one when I was a kid. You get the plastic potato shell that comes in two sections, where you can store the nose, mouth, ears, etc. inside the shell. When I was a kid, the idea was that you actually could take a real potato and make characters by pushing the stems of the lips, ears and whatever directly into the spud. Of course, it’s not going to last as long as the plastic one but potatoes are cheap. Just don’t try it with a tomato.
So what’s next? There are lots of “Mister” items that could be considered gender offensive. How about “Mr. Bubble” for one? He’s been around for over 50 years, are you going to let him get in the tub with your naked three year old daughter? He should now be called, “Bubble.”
The ice cream man in our neighborhood when I was growing up had soft serve products and was called “Mr. Softie.” I guess now his truck should just say “Softie” on the side.
You can go down the list. Mr. Clean should be just “Clean,” and ninety percent of the time it’s the woman using him. At least that’s the way it’s always been in my family, although that statement in itself might seem offensive to some women.
Anyone remember when Milton Berle was called “Mr. Televison.” Well, he would be just “Television” if he were alive today.
And then there’s “October.” You know, Reggie Jackson who surely offended people by being called “Mr. October.” Anyone remember who “May” would be? Of course it’s Dave Winfield, who Yankees owner George Steinbrenner once insulted by calling him “Mr. May” in reference to his poor showing in the playoffs.
Baseball is full of offensive Misters. How about “Mr. Met?” Is there a Mrs. Met? If not, he should just be “Met.”
And then there’s Bob Uecker, who Johnny Carson once dubbed “Mr. Baseball.” If you say Mr. Baseball is coming on the show everyone knows who it is. But if you say “Baseball” will be on the show tonight, who knows what that means? And what would the late Joe DiMaggio think if his favorite product, “Mr. Coffee,” would change to be just “Coffee.”
How about the rock band Mister Mister? They had a couple hits years ago, notably “Kyrie” and “Broken Wings.” Now they’d just be “Mister,” although I always thought Mister Mister was an odd name to begin with.
There are endless ways to offend people. Rowan Atkinson’s comedic character “Mr. Bean” should now be called “Bean.” Mr. Goodbar will just be “Goodbar” and if you like Batman you’ll want to see the episode where “Freeze” is the villain, not “Mr. Freeze.”
And don’t get me started on Dr. Seuss. One of the things that was apparently offensive was a cartoon of an Asian man and he happened to be holding a bowl of rice and chopsticks. Tell me, what restaurant have you EVER been in that gave you chopsticks that didn’t serve Asian food?
You can’t have Uncle Ben sell you rice and you can’t have an Asian cartoon character eating it with chopsticks. Yes, it takes a lot of effort not to offend someone in 2021.
