Column by Brian Hoffman
In the words of semi-celebrity Kelly Clarkson, the first week of watching the Olympics has been “incredibly cool.”
It’s Monday as I write this column and I’ve been glued to the TV since Friday watching the summer Olympics in Paris, taking time out to check on the Yankees and Red Sox. In three days I must have seen the Eifel Tower 100 times, and Snoop Dogg even more times than that. And, yes, that was actually Spike Lee at the United States basketball game even though no Knicks are on the team.
Friday’s opening ceremonies had to be the most elaborate in the history of the Olympics, even topping Hitler’s Berlin games. Usually the teams march into some stadium dressed in colorful attire and carrying their flag. Then they assemble on the infield after circling a track and when everyone is in the stadium they light a big torch and go home.
Not so Friday in France. These opening ceremonies were like a five-hour Broadway show on the water, as boats carried the teams down the polluted Seine River. There were 85 boats filled with over 10,000 Olympic athletes and there was some kind of music or dance number all along the way, from Lady Gaga to Celine Dion.
The opening ceremonies were hosted by Mike Tirico, who did a really nice job; Peyton Manning, who added insight and backstories to many of the athletes; and Clarkson, who said everything was “cool.” Why she was selected to be on the telecast, I have no idea. I would have understood if she was out on some boat singing, but her obvious lack of knowledge about anything relating to sports or the athletes got annoying after a while. We had Snoop to tell us everything was “cool.”
A couple observations. I was amazed at how many of the countries I’d never heard of. I was never good in geography but I watch Jeopardy just about every night, so I should have come across most of them. I looked it up and there are 54 countries participating from Africa, 48 from Europe, 44 from Asia, 41 from the Americas and 17 from Oceania. I had no idea 48 countries could fit into Europe.
As for Africa, I suspect many of them change their name every couple years. I used to like to look at my Rand McNally Atlas of the World before we had the internet, and I swear most of the countries in Africa had different names when I was growing up in the ’60s.
I was surprised at how many countries had names ending in “stan,” and I wasn’t sure where most of them were. Included in the list are, in alphabetical order, Afghanistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Pakistan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan. I’m starting to think Borat came from a real country, but I can’t say for sure.
Then you have the “and” countries, which makes me think two countries combined into one so their high school teams can play in a higher classification. Included in this group are Antigua and Barbuda, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Sao Tome and Principe, and Trinidad and Tobago, which sounds like some kind of hot sauce. Honestly, tell me if you know where all those countries are located? And one that I know, Turks and Caicos Islands, didn’t even send a team. You’d think they’d have some kind of boating team at the least.
Let me assure you I’m not making fun of these countries. We have plenty of stuff right here in the USA to make fun of these days, so we don’t need to look elsewhere. I’m sure Saint Kitts and Nevis is a wonderful place, and it was great to see folks from Central and South America on a boat instead of wading through a river.
As for the sports, baseball and softball aren’t in this year’s games but break dancing has been added. Does that make any sense to you? And when are they going to add pickleball?
Getting back to Snoop Dogg, did you see the interview NBC did with Simone Biles’ parents when they were with Snoop? They mentioned how they’d met Snoop once before but he replied that he didn’t recall. Simone’s adopted mother, Nellie, said they saw him at a New Year’s Eve celebration and asked if they could get a picture. She went on to say how Snoop told them to give him a couple minutes and, “in two seconds he was gone.” Sounds like when I witnessed John Riggins blowing off autograph requests from Redskins fans. At least Snoop had an excuse, as he was likely stoned out of his mind on New Year’s Eve.
I’ll be anxious to watch the rest of the games for the next week and a half. I love the track, and I really enjoy watching the basketball. It’s amazing to see how good some of these teams (i.e., South Sudan men) are when we expect our players to blow out everyone else. And isn’t it something to see how good LeBron James can still be?
And my God, the gymnastics!! It’s incredible what those gymnasts can do, remembering my high school days when I could do a “frog stand” and climb a quarter of a way up a rope. When Biles hurt her leg and then came right back and did that floor routine, that was an instant classic right there.
Whatever you think of the games it’s nice to see folks from different countries getting along, even though they did be sure to put the North and South Koreans in different boats. If the United States and Chinese athletes can hug each other after a close race, maybe there’s hope for the world after all.
Maybe.
