Remember the school bully who made your life miserable? For many people, the pain of that verbal or physical abuse leaves a permanent emotional scar that stays for life.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ site StopBullying.gov, the formal definition of bullying is “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance…[and] is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.” Bullying may occur before or during school hours, in-person, behind their backs, or increasingly online (cyberbullying).
Kids who are bullied often experience depression, anxiety, loneliness, adverse health affects, and low performance in school. Some respond with drastic measures, such as suicide or violence against others. Bullies themselves are typically troubled kids who are more likely to engage in substance abuse and other risky behaviors. Even bystanders absorb some of the stress.
You may think, “Well, life isn’t a bouquet of roses. These kids need to toughen up and learn how to deal with difficult people.” To a point, psychologist Jonathan Haidt would agree with you. In his book with attorney Greg Lukianoff, The Coddling of the American Mind, Haidt explores college students’ lack of resilience and inability to cope with even minor real-life challenges such as someone disagreeing with their point of view. One of the causes he cites is overprotective parenting and school environments that prevent children from flexing their coping muscles, leaving them helpless when they embark on their first steps toward independence as young adults.
Yet Haidt noted in an interview that the traditional definition of “bullying” is actually “pretty reasonable,” involving a power differential, threats, and chronic stress. Far from run-of-the-mill meanness, real bullying is vicious behavior that triggers extreme stress in the victim due to normal human psychology.
Humans are wired to be social, dependent on groups for their survival. That’s one reason that public speaking is a No. 1 fear for many people; our brains interpret focused attention from a group of people as a serious threat, as though we are at risk of being ostracized – the equivalent of a death sentence in our primitive past. Children and teens are particularly sensitive to these power dynamics and perceived dangers, and their stress hormones kick in automatically.
October is National Bullying Prevention Month, a time of awareness and action founded by the National Bullying Prevention Center in 2006. This month, Botetourt County Libraries invite children in grades K-12 to participate in the Bullying Prevention Month challenge on our Beanstack app. Kids can participate in activities and challenges geared toward encouraging civil behavior and stopping bullying, skills they will use throughout their lives. We also encourage kids to read for up to 10 hours to show their support for peers affected by bullying.
Libraries have long been a haven for children and teens who are bullied, a space where they can explore freely without fear and find resources to help them thrive. Let’s all work together to make the world a safer, happier, and more civil place for everyone.
Botetourt County Libraries
***Upcoming library events of interest include: (most of them are virtual events):
- Forensic Evidence in Court (adults) – Thursday, Sept. 30, 6 p.m., Zoom – A local prosecutor explains how forensic evidence is used in court. Register online or check the library’s Facebook page for the Zoom link prior to the event.
- Cybersecurity (adults) – Wednesday, Oct. 6, 11 a.m., Zoom – BBB Serving Western Virginia describes the personal risks of online activity and how to protect yourself against cyber threats. Register online or check the library’s Facebook page for the Zoom link prior to the event.
- Scambusters (teens) – Wednesday, Oct. 13, 4:30 p.m., Zoom – BBB Serving Western Virginia offers a fun, “Jeopardy”-style exploration of the types of scams that target high school and college age students, and how to protect yourself from harm. Register online or check the library’s Facebook page for the Zoom link prior to the event.
- Forensic Impressions (kids) – Thursday, Oct. 14, 4:30 p.m., Zoom – Pick up a Forensic Impressions kit from your local library branch, and join local biologist and health expert Dr. Beth Leffel to solve a “crime” with the evidence in the kit. Register online or check the library’s Facebook page for the Zoom link prior to the event.
And other events:
- StoryTime Detectives (ages 0-5) – Thursdays, 10:30 a.m., Zoom – Parents and little ones can enjoy stories, songs and fingerplays. Learn early literacy and school success skills while having fun as a group. Stop by any library branch to pick up your StoryTime Kit with take-home activities. Register online to receive each week’s Zoom link.
- Literary Pumpkin Decorating (all ages) – October 1-31 – Decorate a pumpkin based on a book character, then show off your work by bringing it to your local library branch for display or posting photos on the Botetourt County Libraries’ social media on Facebook or Instagram.
